My daughter gave a presentation to her homeschool class today on the life of Joan of Arc, and how Joan has inspired her. Olivia decided to dress up (ok - I actually came up with a costume and convinced her that it would be a fun way to do the project.) She spoke as though she were Joan. She spent a lot of time learning about Joan of Arc to prepare. She read a book, watched a dvd and read a talk by James E. Faust (April 2006 General Conference) that referred to Joan of Arc. In that talk he called on young women to live by the light of Christ that they have been given and to have the courage to follow his promptings.
He said,
"To other girls in the fifteenth century, Joan of Arc seemed to be very different. Sisters, don't be afraid to be different in our century. Sometimes we have to be different in order to maintain Church standards. So I repeat, don't be afraid to be different, but be as good as you can be. Many girls are concerned about their friends' conduct and style of dress. Such conduct may be motivated by a desire to be accepted by the peer group. Joan of Arc did not worry about what her friends did, but rather about what she knew she should do."
This really sums up what I want to teach and exemplify to my daughters. Living the gospel of Jesus Christ does mean that we will sometimes stick out and look different from many of those around us. But we can "stick out" in a good way. When we let the light and love of Jesus Christ show in our countenances we can influence those around us for the better and help them want to know more about Jesus Christ and his gospel.
For the first ten or so years of our lives together, Jerry and I had a kitchen table that he built for us. We loved it. It was made of good solid wood and had a laminate top with nice solid wooden benches. However, eventually our family outgrew that table. We purchased a bigger, nice solid wooden table with chairs. I quickly realized that if I wanted our nice wooden table to stay that way with our busy family, I would need to do something to protect it.
Like most families, we do a lot more at our kitchen table than just eat. It gets used for rolling out cookies and pies, playdough, painting, soap carving, school work, canning, board games, lego, bubble blowing, and even occasional veterinary work (actually, that only happened once and I will probably never share that scary story on this blog).
My solution was one that we are still using today. I purchased a length of clear flexible plastic (found it on rolls in the fabric department at Walmart) and simply covered the table with it. Most messes clean up very easily and it even protects against dings and scratches to the wood. Last week it even got covered with white glue and glitter and it simply got taken outside and sprayed off with a hose. When we do want to have a nice formal dinner it is easy enough to take the plastic off and use a cloth tablecloth or placemats. Three or four times a year I replace the plastic as it does occasionally get small tears in it that can allow moisture to get underneath and get trapped between the plastic and the table. But it is really quite inexpensive and the years it has given to the life of our table have been worth it.
Besides protecting the table we also use the plastic table cover to add a little fun to our kitchen. Sometimes the children will make paper snowflakes in the wintertime and slide them underneath the plastic. We have also put maps under the plastic, family pictures, and even sign language flashcards.
Today the kids and I picked up a new length of plastic for the table. I am hoping that they will get excited and make some Christmas and wintery decorations to go underneath it.
When my children were all very young, too young to help with the housework, too young to help entertain anyone younger than themselves for more than a couple of minutes at a time, I remember thinking – Am I crazy? How can I homeschool? I can’t even find clean socks that match.
At the time I was reading a lot of homeschooling books and although I got a lot of great ideas I also came away wondering why my home didn’t seem to look like these perfect homes in the books. Sometimes I would look at other homeschool Moms who had mentored me along the way, and shared many great ideas with me, and I would think – Why I can’t get it all together like them?
I am much older now – I won’t tell you how old – but I do have a 21 year old. I am also much wiser. I realize that we all have glorious days when everything seems just perfect – someone’s practicing piano, someone’s reading to the two year old, the chores were all done before breakfast, supper is already in the crockpot and I am sitting on the couch getting in a little reading of my own. Those are the days that people write about in their books and on their blogs. But we also have days where I am lucky to find a chance to get dressed (I’ve been known to drop a child off at a class in my slippers and scrubs which I sometimes wear for pajamas), let alone take a shower, days where I feel tired and grumpy from nursing a sick baby all night. Most of our days are somewhere in between the two.
I have learned that while homeschooling and motherhood are not perfect experiences, I can find perfect moments in every day….and when I take the time to cherish those moments, nothing can describe how wonderful that feels.
I read a phrase in a book by Linda Eyre (Joyful Mother of Children) . This is one of my favorite books that has an almost permanent home next to my bed The phrase is – You can eat an elephant.
An elephant is a huge animal. Even imagining eating something that size is absolutely ridiculous. But what she says is, “It can be done – one bite at a time” Raising children can sometimes be overwhelming - but we can do it – one bite at a time – every story we read, every song that we sing, every family activity, every time we lovingly teach a new chore, every prayer, every heart to heart chat we have in our bed late into the evening – all of these little bites bring us closer to our goal of helping our children become all that they are meant to become.
A long time ago we watched a classic movie called, "The Good Earth." In that movie the woman has a pearl that to her, is a symbol of her husband's love for her.
Once a year my husband goes on a business trip to teach at a convention. And whenever he comes home he brings me a gift. It’s a very small gift but it has great meaning for the two of us. Near the airport is a small shop that sells cans containing one oyster apiece. These oysters were scanned before they were processed to be sure that they contain a pearl. When you get a can, you open it up, drain off the stinky preserving liquid, rinse off the oyster, and then pry it open. Inside, you will find a pearl. You rinse it off and rub it with salt to shine it up. Sometimes the pearl is round and beautifully white. Sometimes it has a small dark spot and may not have a perfectly round shape. Some are whiter, others more cream colored or with a grayish tinge. I have quite a collection of these pearls now that Jerry has brought to me over the years. Our children are always part of the "opening" ceremony when he brings one of these oysters home. Then we get out the little ring box containing all the other pearls that have been collected and add it to the box, enjoying looking at all the pearls before we put it away. I will probably never make earrings or a ring or a necklace out of these pearls. Perhaps someday I will give them to my daughters. But for now, I just enjoy taking them out and looking at them once in a while, just like in the movie, to remember the love of my husband for me.
Taking time to do and say little things each day to a spouse helps keep love alive and vibrant in a marriage. I love it when my husband calls during the day, comes up from his office to give me a kiss, or runs a bath for me in the evening. I like this quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that emphasizes the need to nurture the relationship between husband and wife.
"Love is like a flower, and like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness." (Oneness in Marriage, Ensign, March 1977)
This past week Sophia, age two, asked to participate in family scripture reading for the first time. In the past she has occasionally let us whisper the verse in her ear while she repeated it, but this time, she said very firmly, "I will do it by myself." Then she opened her book on her lap and proceeded to read, "And it came to pass…." After those first five words she said all kinds of interesting things including talking about the toy that baby David was holding. But it was those first five words that were music to my ears. You see, seven other times in the past 21 years I have witnessed a similar event. When children are included in family scripture study right from the time they are born they seem to just soak up the language of the scriptures. They internalize phrases like "it came to pass." When Sophia finished her "verse" she finished by saying, "Amen," a common way for chapters to end in the Book of Mormon.
Many of my children have participated in a Shakespeare class offered by some homeschooling mothers in our community. When the children read their first Shakespeare play they find it very difficult to understand the language of "the bard." But one of the requirements for the class is to read and watch as many plays as they can throughout the semester. Sometimes my children have read as many as twenty plays. By the end of the class, the language of Shakespeare seems much easier for them to understand. They can read through the plays much quicker and still follow what is going on. When the language is no longer a stumbling block, they can focus on the themes and meaning that Shakespeare has woven into his stories.
It is the same with the scriptures. Familiarity with the language of the scriptures comes through reading regularly. When the language is easier for us to understand, our minds are more freed up to think and ponder the doctrine and principles we are reading. We can apply the scriptures to our own lives more readily.
So that is why I get excited to hear my children using scripture language. It means that they have heard the language and know how it should be used.
Anne G. Wirthlin (a past member of the Primary General Presidency) said in a 1998 General Conference:
"Recent research on the development of a child's brain has revealed new insights into how and when a child learns. I quote from a (recent) study: "From birth, a baby's brain cells proliferate wildly, making connections that may shape a lifetime of experience. The first three years are critical" (J Madeleine Nash, "Fertile Minds," Time, 3 Feb. 1997, 49).
"Is it surprising that our Father in Heaven fashioned the minds of very young children to be so capable of learning at a time when they need to be taught who they are and what they must do? The years from birth to age 10 are the peak years for acquiring the language that will become the foundation for understanding future knowledge and truth. That foundation is formed by the words they hear and the impressions that come to them from the world around them. It is an ideal time for parents to read to their children from the scriptures. They will begin to learn the language of the scriptures."
Jerry and I will be taking a vacation together soon. This is only the second time in our marriage that we have managed a getaway longer than a couple of days. Of course, we will take David with us as he is still exclusively nursing. I am looking forward to having lots of time to talk and just enjoy being together. Getting a little extra sleep and a break from daily cleaning, cooking and laundry will be fun too. Whenever Jerry and I have a getaway, even a short one, we come back closer to one another, more committed to our marriage, and better parents as well. We feel ready and energized to continue this great adventure of raising our nine children together.
Grandma and Grandpa will be coming to our home to take care of our other children while we are gone. I am so glad that the children will be in their own home, sleeping in their own beds and have each other and their everyday activities to keep them content while Mom and Dad are gone.
A friend mentioned a great idea to me and I decided to give it a try. It will be a fun thing for Sophia while we are gone, will help to remember how much we love her, and will help her to keep track of when her Mom and Dad will be getting home.
Here's the cute idea: I went shopping at Walmart and bought a number of inexpensive little "gifts." I will put each gift in a lunchbag and staple it shut. Then I will put a date on each bag. Every morning after breakfast Sophia will get to open one bag. The little trinkets are fun little things for her to use with her siblings and some healthy snacks. As she sees the basket of lunchbags getting emptier each day, she will see how much longer it will be until we return. When she wakes up and there are no lunchbags left, she will know that Mommy and Daddy will be home that day.
…lunchbags are done now. Here is Sophia with her basket of prizes
Today I told Sophia that we needed to run to the store after dropping her sisters off at a friend's house. When we got into the parking lot she kept insistently saying that she didn't want to go in the cart. She wanted to "run" in the store. That was strange to me. I asked her if she wanted to walk instead of riding in the cart as she usually does. She, very boldly told me, "No! I want to run in the store." I really couldn't figure her out. We went into the store, did our shopping, (she got to be out of the cart for some of the time), then got back in the car and headed out to pick up the other girls from their friend's house. We went in for a few minutes so I could feed the baby before we went home. As we packed up to leave I told the girls, "I have one more place to run in to before we go home." Then a lightbulb went off in my head. I had just said, "I need to RUN in to one more store." I use this phrase a lot!!! I never say I need to "go" to the store. I always use the phrase, "RUN" to the store. Sophia had obviously picked up on it and taken it very literally. She was determined to "RUN" to the store today instead of riding in the cart.
Sometimes I think we forget how literally our children take the things that we say. This is a rather harmless example but think about how simple exaggeration could be misunderstood by a small child. If in anger we say something like "you never…." or "you always…" or "why don't you EVER…" to a small child, they begin to believe that "they never…" or "they always…" when we didn't really mean it that way. We could hurt their tender little hearts without really meaning to.
Sarcasm also can be hurtful between family members. Little ones don't understand sarcasm at all due to their tendency to take things literally. Communication in the family needs to be loving and honest and uplifting.
I always tell my kids that home should be the safest place on earth for every person in our family. It should be a place where they hear and feel love. It should be a place where they can make mistakes and have quirks and growing pains without fear of ridicule or sarcastic comments from brothers, sisters or parents. When I hear one of my children saying something to a brother or sister that could be considered "unsafe" I am quick to remind them that home is our safe place.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in the April 2007 General Conference:
"We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don't say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child's view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child's faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child - always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget - and forgive."
