Friday night we celebrated Benjamin's 18th birthday. We don't have elaborate birthday traditions in our family but we always celebrate and look forward to birthdays. The birthday child always has the option of breakfast in bed and often gets to choose the menu. On his special day his siblings do all of his animal and house chores for him. Depending on the child he sometimes has a birthday party with friends, or a birthday party with cousins, or just a fun activity with immediate family. We bake a birthday cake, and sometimes the birthday child actually wants to make and decorate his cake all on his own. Occasionally one of the kids will request a birthday pie or apple crisp instead. I think we even had a birthday watermelon once for our Dad's birthday. Often we have a special dinner that is a favorite of the birthday child.
Not long after Jerry and I were married we were browsing in a Pier One Imports store and found a colorful plate and cup that both of us loved. We decided to buy it and call it our "special plate" and use it for special occasions in our family. The special plate is used at dinnertime for the birthday child, and even grandparents and special visitors to our home have occasionally been honored to use the "special plate" at dinnertime. Benjamin used the special plate last night for his special birthday dinner. This will be his last birthday dinner at home for two years. We will miss him but are so grateful for his desire to serve a mission.
One of our most treasured birthday traditions is opening cards from the grandparents with the whole family. Grandma and Grandpa Winters always send homemade cards along with balloons which is a hit with the younger children. Grandpa and Grandma Vance have a real knack for finding super fun cards that often sing to you. And Grandpa Vance is the star of every card opening session. Why? Because he writes "Roses are red" poems in every birthday card to children and their spouses and grandchildren too. Years and years of birthdays and he keeps coming up with new and creative poems to make us laugh. We try to keep all the cards in the childrens' keepsake boxes so that they will always remember their Grandpa and his poems. The birthday child looks forward to special phone calls from grandparents on both sides as well.
In the March 1986 Ensign (no author mentioned) it says,
"Family traditions are like spiritual and emotional cement in the foundation of a happy home. They create fond memories, and these memories bond us together as nothing else can."
I have fond memories of birthday traditions in my own home when I was a child. My mother used to bake fun cakes in neat shapes. One year I had a cake shaped like a princess. I remember one of my brothers having a rocking horse cake. And for those who wanted she would always make the most delicious angel food cake with lemon glaze. When we were younger we enjoyed birthday parties with our friends with traditional games like pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. As we got older we were sometimes treated to a dinner out at a restaurant. I always felt so special and important on my birthday. And still do. My parents make me feel loved every day, but I can always count on them remembering my birthday and taking special care to let me know that they are so glad that I was and will always be their daughter.
Elder Russell M. Nelson addressed BYU students in a devotional (March 29, 1987) and said,
"I watched some three-year-old children playing one day. I saw them lapping water from the sidewalk after it had spilled through a neighbor’s garden. I suppose the germs they ingested were incalculable in number, but not one of those children became ill. They were defended by their bodies. As soon as that dirty drink reached their stomachs, hydrochloric acid went to work to purify the water and protect the lives of those innocent children."
The entire address was about the magnificence of the bodies that our Heavenly Father has created for us. He talked about our senses of sight and hearing, our hearts and our brains and our body's amazing ability to repair itself. He also gave the above little story to demonstrate how well our body can deal with germs.
Recently, David became safe on the stairs. We don't have them blocked off anymore as I feel comfortable letting him climb from our main level up to the bedrooms whenever he wants to. He is surely enjoying this new freedom and the ability to explore a little. During the day our family spends most of our time on our main level. Since there is not often someone upstairs to keep an eye on David in his explorations I've been trying to get everyone to keep the bedroom and bathroom doors shut when they are not up there….especially the bathroom doors.
We are not very good at it yet.
This morning we found David upstairs in the bathroom brushing his teeth…with his sister's toothbrush. Ok - that's no big deal. But he was having a grand old time wetting and rewetting the toothbrush in the toilet in between brushings. So disgusting!! His onesie was sopping and he was so so mad when we found him and took his toothbrush away.
How grateful I am for the magnificence of the human body. My children have all been exposed to all kinds of germy things as they've grown up, and they all seem to survive. Yes, we need to keep our homes clean and sanitary, yes we need to practice good hygiene… but germs happen. Little children explore and do messy things. Thank goodness for our body's built in self defense system.
A long time ago I read in a book that every child needs a "hill and a hole." What they meant by that is that children, by nature, all love wild places…places where they can dig and climb and get messy without being told how to play or where to play…or where not to play.
When we moved to our home here over fifteen years ago our yard needed some leveling. We have an acre of property and so, since we had the space, we had the backhoe guy build a nice big hill in the very back of our land with the extra dirt from the leveling. Over the years that hill has provided so much fun for our children. In the early spring wild grass covers it making it an ideal hiding place. In the winter, covered with snow, it becomes a great mini sledding hill. They build jumps at the bottom to get an even wilder ride. One year, after reading the Great Brain by J.D. Fitzgerald, Brandon and Kyle decided to dig a cave into the hill. Wearing their protective safety goggles, they looked very official. It's also used as a "lookout tower" by children using binoculars.
In the back of our property we have one corner where we have dumped rocks through the years that we have removed in the course of landscaping our yard. Our children have turned that area of the yard into their own secret fort area. They've dug a big hole and covered it with spare boards to make a hideout. Rocks are used to create rooms and lookouts. The game changes every time they play. Sometimes they forget about the fort for a while and when they rediscover it the game starts anew and is fun all over again.
Our big old dirt hill may not be the most aesthetically pleasing aspect of our yard, but it has provided hours and hours of fun for our children and their friends. "A hill and a hole" has been a blessing to our family.
In the Book of Mormon there is a scripture that has been a favorite and is often quoted from memory in our family. It is found in Alma 37:35
"Oh remember my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth, yea learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God."
Seminary is a program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that began over 100 years ago. It is specifically designed for youth ages 14 to 18. Students meet daily or every other day with enthusiastic, knowledgeable teachers to study the scriptures. Each year a different portion of the scriptures is covered; Book of Mormon, Old Testament, New Testament and the Doctrine and Covenants.
As our youth have participated in seminary I have felt that it is an inspired program. Our youth need to have opportunities during the week to study the gospel and feel of the Lord's spirit. And it is inspiring for them to be learning with other youth who want the same in their lives.
In October of 1977, Boyd K Packer was addressing a group of Church Educational System educators. This was over thirty years ago and his words continue to be true today.
“In the history of the Church there is no better illustration of the prophetic preparation of this people than the beginnings of the seminary and institute program. These programs were started when they were nice but were not critically needed. They were granted a season to flourish and to grow into a bulwark for the Church. They now become a godsend for the salvation of modern Israel in a most challenging hour.”
This past week, our son, Benjamin graduated from seminary. I am so proud of him, and grateful for the wonderful teachers he has had over the last four years. I know that the things he has learned will help him to be a better missionary. They will bless him as he studies at university. They will bless him as he marries and starts a family. Their effects will trickle down and bless his posterity to come.
Recently I've been struggling with getting my dishes done. I have a dishwasher. I even have lots of children to help with our mountains of dirty dishes. But we also have a sweet little one year old that wants to help as well. Our dishwasher beeps every time it is opened and closed. When David hears the beep he crawls as fast as he possibly can, from wherever he is, toward the dishwasher. He is fascinated by the dishwasher. Once I've removed the clean sharp knives from the utensil rack I have no problem with him standing at the dishwasher "helping." He loves to play in the little bits of warm clean water clinging to the open door of the dishwasher. He loves to pull out plastic bowls and plates as fast as he can and fling them to the floor. It is a race between him and me. I pull the glassware out of the bottom rack as fast as I possibly can so that he cannot get his little hands on it. He laughs mischievously as he grabs a glass cup before I can get to it. When I turn my back to put something in the cupboard, he is climbing into the dishwasher. It is adorable!!!
But when it is time to load the dishwasher he wants to be there as well. I'm sure that the dirty forks and spoons from breakfast are loaded with "flavor" and those are what he goes after first thing. I find I am constantly looking for times of the day when he is busy with a brother or sister, or napping, so that I can finally load the dishwasher. I find myself saying to the other children, "Don't worry about loading your dishes right now. David is right there." Now that is something I never ever thought I would say to a child. Instead I find myself saying, "Please, just hold him back for two seconds so that I can get these dirty dishes in."
Now, just to set the record straight…I am definitely not complaining, because I know that before another year is through, David will actually be capable of helping with the chore. I keep a bottom drawer in my kitchen strictly for children's plastic cups, bowls and plates. The first chore that my children learn to do is to put the clean plastic dishes from the dishwasher into this drawer. I welcome this stage with open arms. Little ones are absolutely delighted to be able to help in such a big kid way. I want to encourage it in every way possible.
Sophia is now 3 and can put away the plastics now. She also knows where to put the measuring cups and spoons, cutting boards, and large cooking utensils like wooden spoons and spatulas. If you were to look in my kitchen drawers you would either think that I am a terribly disorganized woman, or you would assume that my little children help in the kitchen. If you chose the second option you would be right. Occasionally my drawers get organized properly by myself or an older child, but usually they look like a 3 year old has helped. And I am proud of that fact! I want to instill in Sophie at this young age that her help is needed and appreciated in our family.
This quote from President David O McKay sums up what we should strive to teach our children regarding work.
"Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, and that love of work is success." (Pathways to Happiness [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1957], p. 381)
On our recent trip to Disneyland we found a hotel where we could get two adjoining rooms that accommodated our family quite well. On our last morning Jerry and I packed up the food and belongings for ourselves and the little ones in our room, while the children picked up and packed in the adjoining room. Shortly before we were to leave, I walked into the other room to look for items under the beds, in the bathroom, and in the drawers, that might have been missed. I noticed a nicely folded blanket on one of the beds, as well as a mountain of wet, but nicely folded towels. On top of each pile was a note. I smiled as I read them, then took a couple of quick pictures to save a sweet memory. My daughters are wonderful examples to me of gratitude and service toward others.
I've never been excited about potty training. When Brandon (turning 22 years old this coming week) turned two and people started asking me if I was potty training him, I figured it must be time to start. I picked up the book, "Potty training in less than a day" from the library, armed myself with snacks and drinks and a fun sticker chart, got a babysitter for Kyle for the morning and decided to give it a go. By noon, both he and I were done. I felt like crying, he was not enjoying being confined to the kitchen despite all my fun snacks and enthusiasm, and I was frustrated that my careful reading of the book had not yielded the desired results. That experience put a bad taste in my mouth for potty training that I've never really been able to get rid of.
However, I have figured out what works best for me when it comes to potty training. It’s the same answer that I have found works for almost every parenting, mothering and other family related question. And that is, listen to advice from others, but above all else, listen to the spirit. I love to read books and blogs and web sites and to pick the brains of other Moms who've experienced things I am going through. But when it comes down to deciding exactly what is best for my family, I listen to the spirit. There is a scripture that tells us to "study out in our mind" and then ask God what we should do. I testify that in mothering…this really works.
I potty train in a very relaxed, child led way. I have never, since that first miserable experience, tried to do it in a day. Instead, it is a gradual experience over a number of months, culminating in a week or so of more focused practice. I watch for clues in my child that she is ready. Can she pull her pants up and down? Is she able to sit still and relax long enough to "let the pee come?" Is she interested? Does she hate having a dirty diaper? Does she walk off to "do her business?" These readiness signs are not rocket science. They are found in almost every potty training book. Mostly, I wait for my child to be willing and ready. I want my child to want to be potty trained. I have no desire to force it when she is not ready.
I have a portable potty chair. I also have a small seat that sits on a regular toilet seat. I prefer to teach my little ones to use a regular toilet as it makes it much easier when we are out and about. But at the same time, I let the child choose which potty to use each time. I get the potty chairs out and let the child get used to seeing them, asking occasionally if she wants to sit down on one. Usually, the first time a child is successful, it catches her by surprise. We make a huge deal of it and call Grandma and anyone else who we think might be interested. It is often a long time before the child goes again. But that is ok. She remembers her success, continues to watch and learn as older siblings and parents use the potty, and someday she will be ready to try again.
Sophia recently turned 3 and has had quite a few experiences being successful on the potty, but has not been excited to begin using it all the time and even the promise of big girl underwear has not been incentive for her. And as a busy Mom of 9, who doesn't get all that excited about potty training another child herself, I'm afraid I haven't made it much of a priority either.
Potty training takes some focus on my part. I need to not be too busy with projects or running around too many places. It takes a few days of just staying at home. Heavenly Father usually prompts me as to when it would be a good time for me to "potty train." It is as important that the time is right for me, as it is for the time to be right for my child. Until last week it just never seemed like the right time. The right time kind of caught me by surprise. It happened on our recent trip………
You know you are a busy Mom when it is easier to potty train your little one on vacation than when you are at home. We returned just last weekend from a magical trip to Disneyland. I was surprised to find, that Sophia, resistant to using the potty at home, thought that the public bathrooms at Disneyland were great fun. Every couple of hours found us searching out a restroom for someone or other, and she decided that going in with Mom was preferable to sitting in the stroller with whoever was staying out with the baby. And that consistency was just what she needed to make using the potty a habit. She used the big potty regularly throughout our trip. When we got home she continued using the potty and staying dry most of the time. Today we made the long awaited trip to the store to let her pick out her own big girl underwear. Of course, she wanted "Minnie Mouse." Another few days and I think we will have conquered potty training with yet another child. "Yippee!!"
Sophia told me today that she will give all of her diapers to David. So generous of her, don't you think?
