Today I watched a Mormon Message with excerpts from Neil A Anderson’s talk, Children, from October 2011 General Conference. He talks about the faith that it takes to bring children into the world. As I pondered over the births of our nine children, I see how bringing these spirits into our home has tested my own faith, as well as helped it to grow.
When we were first married, Jerry and I received counsel from more than one source that we should postpone our family until I graduated (which was really only about one more year.) We studied the words of the prophets, prayed, and made our decision based on our answers, and not on what others were saying. We felt that we should start our family as soon as we could. Once the fall semester of school began we had health insurance. We immediately began our journey to beginning a family. Within 6 weeks we were expecting. I spent that year of school coping with morning sickness, fatigue and all the normal pregnancy related things. When the winter semester ended we moved to Salt Lake City to be closer to where Jerry had found a job doing computer aided drafting, and a couple of weeks after that, Brandon was born. He was three weeks early, but was fine and we came home and began life as a family. That was in 1992, a little less than a year after we were married. I never finished my degree in Early Childhood Education at BYU, but my time was being spent on things of much greater eternal importance. I quit school and have never looked back with any regret.
By the time Brandon was a year old I felt that it was time for another child. Kyle was born in April of 1994.
Benjamin came to us in 1996. After Benjamin was born, I was experiencing some challenges with health, and coping with caring for three small children ages 4 and under. We prayed about it and decided that we would leave a little bigger gap before our next child. In the spring of 1998 I felt ready to have another child. Benjamin was no longer nursing and I felt some of my strength returning. We were building our house that summer and life was a little hectic and stressful. Perhaps that made it take a little longer to get pregnant than what I wanted. But in the Lord’s time, we were expecting again. That was a new experience for me…to be wanting to be pregnant and to have a number of months in a row where I realized that I was not yet pregnant. Jacob was born in 1999. Nathan was born just over two years later in 2001. Olivia followed in 2003. I remember vividly the day that I knew it was time for another child to join our family. It was a Sunday afternoon and I was looking for something in a closet when I came across a box of baby things. At that moment the feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. Its time to have another child. That pregnancy was not the easiest. I nursed Nathan right up until a month before Olivia was born, which took a toll on my body. But I knew that Nathan needed the nourishment and was also not ready to wean. The first two years of Olivia’s life were very busy and exhausting. She and Nathan consumed much of my energy. But the Lord sustained me and helped me to take care of them. Once again, I was prompted that my body needed a rest and that I should not rush to have another child. Once again though, close to three years after Olivia’s birth the feelings returned that it was time to have another child. But I would need to wait a bit. I had had Lasik surgery done in November of 2005 and needed to wait until early spring to get pregnant. Those were long months for me as I knew that there was a child just waiting to join us. As soon as my touch up surgery was performed and I’d given my eyes a month to heal, we became pregnant again. That pregnancy went well. It was very apparent to me that the break I’d given my body (I’d had nearly a year of not nursing) had given me a lot of extra strength. It had been a wise and inspired decision. Emily joined us in January of 2007. After Emily’s birth I began to wonder if our family was complete. Even when she was three years old the promptings to have another child didn’t come. I talked to friends and relatives to find out what their experiences were with knowing that they were done having children. I felt none of the “we’re all here” feelings that people described, and yet I also didn’t feel that it was time to have a baby. And to make it so much more confusing to me….well, here I need to go back in time a little bit.
When Olivia was about a year old I was doing work in the Salt Lake Temple. While I had a few minutes to wait I heard a voice in my mind telling me that there was another child waiting to come to our family. Then, the voice said that it would be a boy and his name was David. Somehow I also got the feeling that this child was very special. It was a very spiritual experience and I was very teary for the rest of my work that day.
When I found out at my ultrasound that Emily was a girl, I was a little confused. But I was pretty excited that Olivia would have a sister. Over the next three years I occasionally thought about my experience in the temple and wondered what to think of it. Had I really received personal revelation? Was it just my own idea? Maybe the voice told me about a baby, but I got mixed up about the sex.
And then when feelings didn’t come that there was another baby, that confused me all the more. By the time Emily was three years old I had given away all of my baby clothes and was giving away Emily and Nathan’s things immediately as they grew out of them. I gave away my infant seat and my exersaucer as well. I did not however, give away my maternity clothes. That was my last hold out, just in case we did have another.
Early that summer, we had a pleasant surprise. We were expecting again. Jerry and I laughed and laughed and were overjoyed. We felt so happy to get this chance again. Of course, I thought of my temple experience pretty quickly and thought, “This must be that boy.” Imagine how surprised we all were when we went to the ultrasound appointment and the technician told us that without a doubt, we would be having a beautiful little girl in the spring of 2011. That caused quite a commotion. We hadn’t even considered girl names. Sophia has been an absolute joy to have in our family. We have enjoyed her and every one of her “firsts” so much. She is truly adored.
But, not long after her birth, I started to feel that there was yet one more child. Jerry and I spent a Sunday fasting and praying as to whether we were to have another child. Both of us received the same answer. We weren’t told that our family was complete, but we also weren’t told that we should try to get pregnant right away. Personally, I was praying that if there was another child, I wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible as I was almost 42 years old. Then we left it in the Lord’s hands. Within a few months we were expecting again. Right from the start of this pregnancy I felt that this was a boy. When the ultrasound confirmed it, I had a feeling wash over me that this was the child of which I’d been made aware of in the temple. David was born in May of this year.
I know there are those out there who question how many children we have chosen to have. But as I write this account I see the hand of God in each and every decision to have another child. As Neil Anderson says in his talk, I feel that I am helping to bring to pass the ultimate purpose of the Lord which is to bring about the immortality and eternal life of man. And before immortality must come mortality. Jerry and I are providing the mortal bodies and earthly experience that is so necessary to each and every one of Heavenly Father’s spirit children. Neil Anderson also quotes a mother of five saying, ““Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”
I cannot think of any better way to have spent the last 21 years of my life, nor any better way to spend my next 20 years. I love motherhood. I love my children. I love my husband. I know that each of our children has been brought here in faith, raised by faith, and will go on to raise their own righteous families by faith. It does take faith to bring children into a world where children and the roles of mother and family are not valued. It does take faith to bring children into a world where finances are not stable and where wickedness and moral decay are rampant. There have been times when we have had no health insurance to help pay for the baby. There have been times when we wondered how on earth we’d have the finances to buy a van with yet another seatbelt. There have been times when we wondered how we’d get through another two years on too little sleep. But the Lord has sustained us through all the difficulties. And I know that I am fulfilling my mission in life and I will continue on in faith until my work on this earth is complete.
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