Shortly after my husband and I became engaged we took a road trip to Arizona for me to meet his family. The trip there was uneventful. We enjoyed time with his parents and siblings, and had engagements photos taken. After a couple of short days we needed to head back for school. We were about three and a half hours from home when the clutch on our car went out. My car had a manual transmission and without a working clutch, we couldn't really shift gears. We coasted in to a gas station to figure out what to do. My fiancé quickly assessed the situation and calmly told me that he knew how to pop the clutch and get the car started. To do this, he had to run beside the car, pushing it to get it rolling. The door was open as he ran and once the car was moving well he jumped into the front seat and was able to 'ease' it into gear. As he sped up, he continued to slip the transmission into the next gear. Once we got up to highway speed we thought we would be fine as long as we didn't need to stop the car. The Lord was watching over us. Since we had just finished topping off the gas tank, the tank was full enough to get us home without another gas stop. And even once we got into town we didn't hit a single red light. With careful timing we were able to pull into the parking lot of the apartment building where we lived without needing to come to a complete stop anytime during the drive.
Yes, it was a testimony building experience for me. I felt our Heavenly Father's watchful care over us, helping us to get home safely. But I also learned something else. I learned something about the character of the man that I had chosen to be my eternal companion. Not once did he exclaim in anger, use bad language, or complain. He calmly assessed the situation, took care of the problem and made me feel secure and looked after.
I was so grateful for this experience. Dating and college life was full of fun, dances, activities and study dates. Our courtship had been a whirlwind of wonderful times together and we had had our decision to marry confirmed by answers to our prayers. But seeing my "husband to be" in a real life stressful situation allowed me to really see what a good man I had found.
Today after church my son, Kyle, noticed that his baby brother needed his messy diaper changed. I was fixing lunch in the kitchen when he came and asked where the diapers were. He quickly took care of the diaper. No one had asked him to; he didn't complain. I pointed out to his fiancé what Kyle had done. His actions today demonstrated the kind of father that he will be someday.
I think that it is so important during courtship for couples to notice these types of things. We have told our children, "As you search for a spouse, look for someone who you want to go through the hard times of life with." Seeing Kyle taking care of his little brother, seeing Jerry calmly take care of a difficult car situation…these experiences help one to see true character. And someone with good character, Christ-like attributes, and desires to follow the Lord….that is who you want to go through those difficult times in your life with.
Here's what Richard G. Scott, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles says about choosing a spouse. (from April 1999 General Conference)
"There is more to a foundation of eternal marriage than a pretty face or an attractive figure. There is more to consider than popularity or charisma. As you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home."
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