Jerry and I will be taking a vacation together soon. This is only the second time in our marriage that we have managed a getaway longer than a couple of days. Of course, we will take David with us as he is still exclusively nursing. I am looking forward to having lots of time to talk and just enjoy being together. Getting a little extra sleep and a break from daily cleaning, cooking and laundry will be fun too. Whenever Jerry and I have a getaway, even a short one, we come back closer to one another, more committed to our marriage, and better parents as well. We feel ready and energized to continue this great adventure of raising our nine children together.
Grandma and Grandpa will be coming to our home to take care of our other children while we are gone. I am so glad that the children will be in their own home, sleeping in their own beds and have each other and their everyday activities to keep them content while Mom and Dad are gone.
A friend mentioned a great idea to me and I decided to give it a try. It will be a fun thing for Sophia while we are gone, will help to remember how much we love her, and will help her to keep track of when her Mom and Dad will be getting home.
Here's the cute idea: I went shopping at Walmart and bought a number of inexpensive little "gifts." I will put each gift in a lunchbag and staple it shut. Then I will put a date on each bag. Every morning after breakfast Sophia will get to open one bag. The little trinkets are fun little things for her to use with her siblings and some healthy snacks. As she sees the basket of lunchbags getting emptier each day, she will see how much longer it will be until we return. When she wakes up and there are no lunchbags left, she will know that Mommy and Daddy will be home that day.
…lunchbags are done now. Here is Sophia with her basket of prizes
Today I told Sophia that we needed to run to the store after dropping her sisters off at a friend's house. When we got into the parking lot she kept insistently saying that she didn't want to go in the cart. She wanted to "run" in the store. That was strange to me. I asked her if she wanted to walk instead of riding in the cart as she usually does. She, very boldly told me, "No! I want to run in the store." I really couldn't figure her out. We went into the store, did our shopping, (she got to be out of the cart for some of the time), then got back in the car and headed out to pick up the other girls from their friend's house. We went in for a few minutes so I could feed the baby before we went home. As we packed up to leave I told the girls, "I have one more place to run in to before we go home." Then a lightbulb went off in my head. I had just said, "I need to RUN in to one more store." I use this phrase a lot!!! I never say I need to "go" to the store. I always use the phrase, "RUN" to the store. Sophia had obviously picked up on it and taken it very literally. She was determined to "RUN" to the store today instead of riding in the cart.
Sometimes I think we forget how literally our children take the things that we say. This is a rather harmless example but think about how simple exaggeration could be misunderstood by a small child. If in anger we say something like "you never…." or "you always…" or "why don't you EVER…" to a small child, they begin to believe that "they never…" or "they always…" when we didn't really mean it that way. We could hurt their tender little hearts without really meaning to.
Sarcasm also can be hurtful between family members. Little ones don't understand sarcasm at all due to their tendency to take things literally. Communication in the family needs to be loving and honest and uplifting.
I always tell my kids that home should be the safest place on earth for every person in our family. It should be a place where they hear and feel love. It should be a place where they can make mistakes and have quirks and growing pains without fear of ridicule or sarcastic comments from brothers, sisters or parents. When I hear one of my children saying something to a brother or sister that could be considered "unsafe" I am quick to remind them that home is our safe place.
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said in the April 2007 General Conference:
"We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don't say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child's view of himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that child's faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your comments to a child - always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget - and forgive."
I've never had much money or talent for decorating our home. However, I have made it a priority to have a number of pictures of the Savior on the walls throughout. It thrills me to hear a two year old sweetly whisper the name, Jesus, as we pass a painting in the stairwell. Our children need to know of our love for Jesus Christ and our determination to follow his teachings from the very youngest ages.
The church has made it so easy to teach our children about the Savior in our homes. The scripture readers and the gospel art book are easy to buy and use. We purchased the old gospel art kit in the blue box from the Distribution Center years ago. I slid the pictures into sheet protectors and put them into binders…one for New Testament, one for Old Testament etc. I regularly let one of the younger children choose a picture then tell what he or she remembers about that story. Then we read the story off the back of the picture. Then I have another child tell the story again. They always remember more details after that reading. Sometimes I'll pull out several pictures depicting stories from the Savior's life and have them choose a favorite and tell that story to the other children. The scripture readers make great bedtime storybooks and my younger ones love to "do their scriptures" online. On lds.org you can have the scriptures read aloud to your children.
Another one of my favorite ways to teach my children of the Savior, his mission, teachings and love for us, is through the Primary Songs. There are so many wonderful songs about the Savior in the Primary Songbook. Here are just a few of my favorites: I'm Trying to be Like Jesus, Jesus Loves the Little Children, When He Comes Again, I Feel my Savior's Love, Jesus Once was a Little Child, and Tell me the Stories of Jesus. I teach these songs to my children, sing them often during the day and as lullabies and let them listen to them on the cd player as they fall asleep at night. What better thoughts right before they go to sleep than of Jesus Christ and his love for them.
Howard W. hunter has counseled us:
"Please remember this one thing. If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right." (Fear Not, Little Flock, 1988-89 Devotional and Fireside Speeches, Provo: Brigham Young University Press, 1989, p. 112}.
Bubbles in the house!! What fun!! This is a great family home evening activity or even just something to keep the kids busy for a half an hour while you get dinner ready. Just fill a cereal bowl with water and a squirt of dish soap. Add a straw and blow into the bowl. The bubbles mound up pleasingly into beautiful bubble castles. Even Sophia didn't take long to figure out that you definitely don't want to "drink" the solution….just blow. We usually put a dish towel under each bowl because spills are inevitable.
We have a son who is a returned missionary and is now in that phase of life where at some point he will find that special someone that he will take to the temple and be sealed to for time and for all eternity. We've had lots of discussions over the few months that he has been home about dating and relationships and love and how you know when you have "found her." It has been a fun time for me as I recall the days when Jerry and I were dating and how our relationship grew and deepened until we realized that we wanted to be with each other forever.
As we started out this adventure of marriage together we talked about the fact that as long as we could always be in agreement on the things that really matter in life, we would not let the little differences between us pull us apart. We came upon a quote that has been attributed to St. Augustine that goes like this:
"In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; and in all things, charity."
It really is profound when you think about it. Essentials in our marriage include keeping God's commandments and keeping our temple covenants. When we have questions about things in our marriage and family life we always turn to the scriptures and the words of the prophets first. Once we have found out what they have to say about the topic it is much easier to be unified.
President Ezra Taft Benson said in the Ensign July 1992 (Salvation - A Family Affair):
"A husband and wife must attain righteous unity and oneness in their goals, desires and actions"
We have found that many of the things that cause contention between husbands and wives on a daily basis are really nonessentials. We are all individuals; we do things differently, we see things differently; we have different opinions. We need to celebrate those differences. We need to be willing to listen to another's point of view. We need to be forgiving when those differences cause us challenges or even pain and sadness. And we need to realize that some things are so "nonessential" that they are really not worth taking any chance of damaging our relationship over. We need to be careful not to let "nonessentials" slip into the category of "essentials." When this happens, the unity in our marriage begins to disintegrate. We find ourselves getting annoyed and frustrated with our spouse more often. When this happens to me, realizing what I am doing is the first step to fixing the problem. Remembering what things in life and in our marriage are truly "essential" helps shift my mind from those little "nonessentials" that are bothering me so much.
Richard G. Scott said in his General Conference address in Oct. 1996:
"Marriage allows [our] different characteristics to come together in oneness - in unity - to bless a husband and wife, their children and grandchildren. For the greatest happiness and productivity in life, both husband and wife are needed. Their efforts interlock and are complementary. Each has individual traits that best fit the role the Lord has defined for happiness as a man or woman. When used as the Lord intends, those capacities allow a married couple to think, act, and rejoice as one - to face challenges together and overcome them as one, to grow in love and understanding, and through temple ordinances to be bound together as one whole, eternally. That is the plan."
And of course, when we have charity towards our spouse at all times, we see him or her through the Lord's eyes. We see him or her as a child of God who is stretching and growing and trying and failing, then trying again. The Lord continues to love us unconditionally despite our weakness; we can do the same for each other.
One of the reasons I love sitting down at the table together for a meal is the opportunity to teach and practice table manners. We eat breakfast as we are ready in the morning, and lunch is fairly casual with Mom setting out the leftovers on the counter, having a blessing on the food with everyone, and then each person choosing and warming his own lunch. The kids often sit at the table with a book and read while they eat lunch. But dinnertime is different.
At dinnertime we set the table with plates, cups, and silverware all in their proper places. We all come to the table together and have our family prayer and blessing on the food. We take our seats and then pass the serving bowls around the table. Sometimes I just serve the food, especially if it is a pot of hot soup. But I think there are lessons to be learned by passing the food around the table and letting each person serve himself.
Children learn to be patient and wait their turn for the food to get to them. Children learn to try a little of everything that comes around. (Although I am understanding about occasional food "hates" like Emily's absolute dislike for mushrooms. I still encourage her to try at least one little piece from the stir fry as it comes around.) Children learn to gauge how hungry they are and not to take too much on their first serving. They learn that they can ask politely for more when they finish their first portion. Children learn to think of others as they take the food from the bowl. If a child is the first one to take the roasted red potatoes, shiny with olive oil and fresh garlic (a family favorite) he must not take so many that there will not be enough for others to have some. And finally, they learn to dish their food carefully, so that they do not spill all over the table as they lift the spoon from the serving bowl to their own plates……..OR NOT!!!
Today, as I was reminding on of the younger children to please spoon his salad carefully from the serving bowl, my 14 year old, in the midst of taking his own salad, exploded it across half the table. Who knows how it happened? Maybe it was because the salad spoons were in the dishwasher and we were using makeshift utensils in the salad bowl. This was totally true. Maybe it was because he was starving because 14 year old boys are always starving after three hours of church. This was true as well. But it was funny nevertheless. Just as I was giving my mini "manners" lecture, manners and decorum completely left our table. We all laughed and laughed and then cleaned up carrot shreds throughout the meal.
Note: this post was made with the complete permission of Jacob, the 14 year old, starving, salad spewing, culprit!
How many families regularly receive notices from their electrical company informing them of their excessive use of electricity? We do!! I wondered if we were the only ones, but we have some friends who have eight children who have received similar notices. Every couple of months we receive another one, and today was the day.
We were told via informative little graphics that we use three times as much electricity per month as our most efficient neighbors and a little over twice as much as our nearest one hundred neighbors. It's kind of funny that we are being compared to neighbors, many of whom have only two people in their household, both with jobs so they are often out of the home during the day. No one else on our street has 9 people in their household who live, work, and go to school in their residence. We were also told that we could go to their website to find tips on how we could reduce our electricity usage. I checked out their tips tonight. To be honest we are already doing a good majority of their suggestions. I don't like large electricity bills, but with 9 people living in a home, homeschooling, and running a business out of our home…using a lot of electricity is just going to happen.
I am not complaining. In fact, we get a big kick out of it whenever another one of these letters arrives. We laughingly open the letter to "see how we did this time."
We do approximately two to three giant loads of laundry per day. Our dishwasher runs about three times a day. We bake bread twice a week, I hate to think how many showers and baths are taken. (In our house even using water needs electricity because we have a well, and the water is pumped using electricity.) My husband has computers for his home business and our children use computers for school. We really do not use many lights during the day as we have lots of natural light from windows. So that is one area where we are doing "well."
We have never figured out how many kilowatt hours we use per month per person in our family. If we did do that, I think we'd come off looking pretty good. After all, we always do full loads of laundry, we always fill the dishwasher to capacity, and having a light on in the family room for one person or nine, still costs the same amount of money. I'm sure we could cut our usage if we washed fewer clothes, took fewer showers, and washed our dishes less frequently, but I can't imagine the mess and the smell!!
Using more electricity is just one of the "side effects" of a large family, but I wouldn't trade even one of our precious children for a smaller electricity bill!!!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! - CANADIAN STYLE!!
Because I was born in Canada and lived there my entire childhood we celebrate Thanksgiving twice each year at our house. Thanksgiving in Canada is celebrated on the 2nd Monday in October. That always coincides with the U.S. holiday of Columbus Day, but we seem to always make a bigger fuss over the Thanksgiving part at our house. Canada is further north than the United States and has an earlier harvest time and an earlier onset of winter, so it makes sense that the holiday is celebrated earlier. We always roast a turkey or at least a big chicken. We make pies and stuffing and often try to include what is left from the garden harvest in our feast. This year we shared the meal with some good friends and gave them a "lesson" about Canada after dinner.
As we prepared the tables, one in the kitchen and one in the family room, Jacob (14) said, "We really should have "fancy" meals like this more often." He's right. We really don't get out the tablecloths and the crystal glasses near as often as we should. He and Nathan (11) did a wonderful job setting the table complete with napkins carefully wrapped around the silverware.
Dallin H. Oakes in the October 2007 General Conference said this:
"The number of those who report that their "whole family usually eats dinner together" has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together "eating meals at home [is] the strongest predictor of children's academic achievement and psychological adjustment." Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children's smoking, drinking, or using drugs. There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents; what your children really want for dinner is you."
Dinnertime is a special time at our house, not because we always get out the fancy dishes (of which we really don't own very many) or because we eat fancy food. It is special because we make a priority of eating together every single night, excluding date night. All day long we are busy studying, working, running, swimming, singing, practicing piano, reading, drawing and writing. I love that we have at least that dinner hour each day to come together and eat and talk and hear about the events of the day. We all do dishes together after the meal and that extends our together time just a little bit more. Our oldest at home right now, Benjamin, now has a job that means he misses dinner with the family twice a week. That has been less than optimal, but knowing that he is working hard to earn the money he will need to pay for his mission helps us accept the fact.
We don't always eat at the same time every night, due to schedules that are different from day to day, but what is important is that we eat together. Brandon is now away at university, Kyle is on a mission and Benjamin will be on his mission in another year. I now have the perspective I used to see in more experienced mothers when I had only young children. This time when our children are here with us living in our home is so short. Before you know it there are empty places at your "earthly dinner table." But when you take the time to strengthen family relationships and make your home alive with gospel learning and testimony, you can have peace in knowing that there will be no empty chairs at your family table in heaven.
President Ezra Taft Benson said in April 1984 General Conference:
"As parents and grandparents in Zion, it has been the shared hope of my wife and me that all of us will be together in the eternities- that all will be worthy, without a single empty chair. That is my fervent hope and prayer for each family in the Church."
Bedside chats with little ones come naturally. We have to help them get their jammies on, brush their teeth, say their prayers, then we tuck them in bed and read a story, ask them about their day, and then maybe sing a few songs. But with older children, those opportunities do not present themselves as often.
At our house, bedside chats with our older children have become pretty standard. Only they don't happen in the way you might think. Our bedside chats with these big kids happen not at their bedside, but on mine and Jerry's bed in our bedroom. In the evening after the younger children are asleep, the house quiets down, and that is the time that we love to catch up with our older children. During the day I am so busy tending to dirty diapers, spills, owies, helping with schoolwork and chores, getting children from point A to point B, fixing meals and doing laundry, that (other than when I am sitting still nursing) I am probably pretty hard to have a decent conversation with. But in the evening Jerry and I have always told our children…we are ALWAYS free to talk with you.
When a child comes into our room and sets down on the bed, we put our own conversation and books aside and give that child our attention. It is at these times that we hear of their worries and struggles, their triumphs, what they look forward to, and help them find answers to their questions and problems. Sometimes we talk of world events and sometimes just of the events in their own lives. We love the uninterrupted time to really focus on them and their needs. I will admit that it seems that our older children are at their most talkative after 9:30 at night, but it is worth losing a little, or maybe a lot of sleep to have these close moments with them. Because we have a number of older children in our family right now, another child will often pop in the door and plop down on the bed as soon as the other is finished.
Tonight I had a great chat with Benjamin, age 17, whose life is very busy right now with seminary, ballroom dancing at the high school, online college classes and working to earn money for his mission. I heard of his frustration with one online class, an update of how his "running" injury is healing up, and of the regular communications he's been having with his older brother at BYU. We talked of his plans for the next year as he prepares for his mission. We ended with Mom getting a kiss goodnight and him knowing how very much I love him. Yeah…its 10:30 now, I still have a few more things to finish up before bed, and I know that my day will start early tomorrow, but it was worth it.
I have a tile in my kitchen window that reads:
Life's not the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
Some people spend their free time looking for and trying new extreme activities like skydiving, bungee jumping or rock climbing. They crave that rush of adrenalin that literally takes your breath away. I admit, I love a good roller coaster with lots of crazy loops and barrel rolls and hills that make your heart race. But I also find moments in my everyday life that take my breath away.
Marriage to my sweetheart and best friend in the world is breathtaking. I love him dearly. I have spent more time in this mortal life WITH him than I have spent WITHOUT him, and look forward to eternity with him. My children are also a source of many breathtaking moments. I love to watch the milestones in their lives….their first smiles, their first steps, first lost teeth, first time tying a shoe, learning to read, baptism, priesthood ordinations, passing the sacrament for the first time, first babysitting job, drivers licence, first date, mission service, entering college….I could go on for a long time listing all the moments, some common, and some once in a lifetime, that I have enjoyed with my children and husband.
For me, taking the time to enjoy the very smallest moments of a very regular day, turns that very regular day into something special. Today David spent much of his time working his little heart out trying to roll over. Until this afternoon, I'd really not seen him put a lot of effort into that at all. I spent time on the rug with him just watching as he exerted monumental effort, tongue hanging out he was working so hard, for what seemed like quite a long time for a baby his age. Finally his efforts bore fruit, he was able to get that last troublesome arm out of the way, and he flipped from back to tummy. The look on his face was priceless - utter surprise and pleasure all at the same time. In the next few minutes he flipped back onto his back, and then over again. I caught a picture of one of his rolls, just before he flipped over.
I don't need to ride in a hot air balloon to experience breathtaking moments in my life. Being a wife and mother provide me with those moments each day if I take the time to notice them.
“The family is the basic unit of society. The praying family is the hope of a better society.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, The Blessings of Family Prayer, Ensign February 1991)
Sophia is learning to pray. She is only two years old, but during those two years of her life, she has experienced hundreds of prayers. We have family prayers in the morning and family prayers in the evening, and a blessing on every meal. She sees people praying in church meetings and at the beginning of our weekly family home evening. She has watched her older brothers and sisters say their personal prayers, and she has even walked in on her parents praying…when she was supposed to be in bed. This weekend she even learned to fold her arms, bow her head and close her eyes as the prayers were said in General Conference which we watched on television.
Now she wants to say the prayers herself….every one of them. She often gets to say a prayer herself after someone else prays. Whenever she eats, even if it is just a snack, she insists on blessing her food. She folds her arms and expects everyone within sight and hearing, to fold their arms as well. We humor her. Even her big brothers studying in the family room good naturedly fold their arms as she blesses her "popsicle." We say a few words and then she copies us. We try to make the prayers simple but sincere. We want her to understand that a prayer, even a blessing on the food is not something you just memorize and spout off by rote. When we pray we are talking to our Heavenly Father. We are expressing our sincere gratitude for what he has given us. We humbly ask him for what we need. We try to talk before our prayers about specific needs. We mention family members and friends by name in our family prayers and ask for God's help in their lives.
It is not always easy for us to have family prayers. We have children in seminary, an older son with a job, children in classes and sports. But we try to pray every morning and again every evening as a family. We find that having our evening family prayer around the dinner table is the best way to make sure that it happens every night. With so many children scattering different directions in the evenings and having different bedtimes, this seems to work best for us. Sometimes getting everyone together and on their knees takes longer than saying the prayer. But we continue to make this act of worship an important part of our days.
President Gordon B. Hinckley:
"I feel satisfied that there is no adequate substitute for the morning and evening practice of kneeling together - father, mother, and children. This, more than soft carpets, more than lovely draperies, more than cleverly balanced color schemes, is the thing that will make for better and more beautiful homes." (The Blessings of Family Prayer, Ensign February 1991)
There is a cute game called "Don't Eat Pete" that is fun to play for Family Home Evening. We have tweaked the game a little and created our own version called, "Don't Eat the Prophet." It's a fun way for the whole family to learn the names of all the prophets of the restoration. We've made a couple of editions over the years as the prophets have changed. Here is a picture of our most recent version.
Here are the basic rules:
1. Put a piece of candy, raisin, craisin, or cheerio on each picture of a prophet.
2. Send one person out of the room.
3. Have one member of the family choose one of the prophets to be "it" or "Pete." Make sure everyone there knows which prophet was chosen.
4. The person who was sent out of the room returns. He picks up one treat at a time off the pictures. If the treat is not "it" he is allowed to eat the treat. If the treat chosen is from the agreed upon prophet everyone yells, "Don't eat the Prophet," and then that person's turn is over.
The point is to get to eat as many treats as possible before your turn is over. We like to have the children say the names of the prophets as they pick up the treats, to practice knowing the name that goes with the picture. We help each other when we don't remember a name.
I'm always on the lookout for fun games and activities to use for family home evening that are good for ages baby and on up. This one is fun for everyone. I think I'll have the kids help me make a new version this week that has the Quorum of the Twelve and the First Presidency on it. We can use this activity to familiarize ourselves with the names of the apostles before General Conference this weekend. There's always a chart with pictures in the conference Ensign, so we'll just cut out pictures from that to use.
Here's the cute idea: I went shopping at Walmart and bought a number of inexpensive little "gifts." I will put each gift in a lunchbag and staple it shut. Then I will put a date on each bag. Every morning after breakfast Sophia will get to open one bag. The little trinkets are fun little things for her to use with her siblings and some healthy snacks. As she sees the basket of lunchbags getting emptier each day, she will see how much longer it will be until we return. When she wakes up and there are no lunchbags left, she will know that Mommy and Daddy will be home that day. 
